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The proper treatment of slaves
Author: pippin1986
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(Added on Feb 11, 2009)
(This month 17220 readers) (Total 26182 readers) |
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With new laws passed, male students must be taught the proper way to treat females, all of whom have been reclassified as slaves |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 7 |
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29% |
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14% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (5.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (2/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Dryhill
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 1, 2012 |
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I think LoriDaniels andJimmyJump are being rather too kind. This is basically a rewrite of "Slaves R Us" and it is just as poor. (2/10)
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| Reviewer:
fluttrz
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 20, 2011 |
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this story was enjoyable to read.
+ this is a story has a single scene simple plot that is both humorous & well constructed. if u want indepth characters & detailed scenes this may not b ur story. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
LoriDaniels25
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 17, 2009 |
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Typically I enjoy stories like this, where laws have been passed to reduce women to slave or animal status. I like the world you've built here, and it has a lot of potential for future stories.
There are some things to consider, however. As the story is now it's merely a world portrait. While that may have been your intention, I think that there is an opportunity here to go deeper and write a fully developed story.
For example, in the last story, "Slaves R Us" you briefly followed a character as she goes from strong female lawyer to ditsy slave girl. However, you don't spend hardly any time at all on the character, their feelings, thoughts, emotions etc. In this story it would be interesting to watch "SloppyCunt" go from being a resistance fighter to a dumb slave girl rather than simply having her tell the class about it. If we get to watch her break, it's much more satisfying and much more erotic. Like JimmyJump said, you have a lot of possibly material from the ideas you've shown us so far.
Keep writing and I'll keep reading! (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 14, 2009 |
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I think pippin is lazy. The first paragraph of this tale, uttered by SloppyCunt, contains about ten to fifteen chapters of possible material.
But since pippin doesn't feel like going into things, instead of writing a novel of epic proportions, he shoves this here cold and smelly dish under our collective noses.
Best thing to do is go back to start (and don't pass the bank) and redo things in a less thinnish way.
I've never understood wy some folks want to write, because when they do, they don't. Go figure.
JJ (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
street0
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 13, 2009 |
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Quite hot. I always enjoy an enumeration of degradations and indignities. The ending could use a more visceral punch, but otherwise a very fine story. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Major Littmann
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 12, 2009 |
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Slaves R Us part 2 and it still does not work. (2/10)
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