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Alley Gangrape
Author: Michele:)
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(Added on May 31, 2006)
(This month 61307 readers) (Total 82304 readers) |
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A beautiful blonde becomes a sexy toy for homeless bums in a dark back alley |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (4/10) |
Average
Rating:  (3.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (5/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (3/10) |
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| Reviewer:
La Toya
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 2, 2006 |
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it just a so so story to me (3/10)
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| Reviewer:
lonewolf8
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 1, 2006 |
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I don't think this is a bad overall read really. I would have rated this much higher but for a few details that I found lacking.
I had absolutely no problem with the first person aspect by the way, as another reviewer mentioned. If it is done right, with good description of what the victim is experiencing, it can be a VERY effective way of story-telling and many mainstream and erotica writers use it. I actually enjoyed the plotline on this, but this would have been a much better read if it had been a good deal longer, and much less concensual, at least at first.
This would have read better if she were at first completely sickened and outraged at being forced to do these humiliating sexual tasks, to filthy men who she wouldn't have gone within a mile of, kept with them for a period of a few days, and gradually begin to be excited about her degradation and what was happening to her and what she was being reduced to.
I just don't buy her being that quickly transformed into a complete freak like that. I also would eliminate the HIV thing, that isn't sexy. A venereal disease that can be treated potentially, is, because it just shows the level of risk and the disgusting street people she is servicing with her once high-class body.
I'd leave out things like HIV and aids, etc... there's no cure, and it causes a fairly rapid decline (especially in appearance) unless someone is under constant care.
It's not that those things can't/won't happen to her, or that they don't go through the readers mind as something she's risking, but it's just not sexy if you have it actually occur.
You want to have the reader thinking of the victim as a desirable fuck-toy, someone who would in other circumstances, never associate with people of this class and hygiene. As long as she is still desirable-looking and appearing, then it's a turn-on, because these men could never hope for a woman of her quality.
You not only want to keep her in that condition as long as possible, you also want to keep the reader thinking there is the possiblity she could still escape from the life if she were rescued or come to her senses somehow.
It would have been more stimulating to see her slowly drawn into acceptance of her shameful condition. Describe in more detail the tastes, smells and feelings she is going through as she is slowly reduced to a broken and debased acceptance of being the fuck-toy of these filthy homeless men.
This is only my opinion, naturally, but I think it would greatly improve a promising story! The writing is not bad at all, just could use some fleshing out...
Keep up the good work!
Thanks for the story!
lonewolf8 (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 31, 2006 |
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Stories written in first person rarely work well. This story is not an exception to that rule. And you need to learn about paragraphs, too, not to mention spell-check. (3/10)
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