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Changing states at Sunnydale Farm
Author: lil-r-r-h
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(Added on Apr 5, 2006)
(This month 60165 readers) (Total 84892 readers) |
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The suited man needed to ascertain her intentions. Was she the one? Or was she yet another gold-digger? He devised the test at the farm to find out. Find out if she will willingly submit to his darkest whim, just for the honour of being with him. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
slavegirl2006
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 10, 2006 |
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Very well written. I can't wait to read more! (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
La Toya
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 6, 2006 |
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Good story, nice idea. If you keep iot going, I will look at a higher rating (7/10)
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- Replied by:
lilrrh
(Edit) (Apr 8, 2006)
- Glad you enjoyed it. Again, thank you for taking the time to review it.
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| Reviewer:
H Dean
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 6, 2006 |
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Very well conceived story, technically sound and with solid flow. Frankly, the only reason I did not rate this higher was that there was a lack of creativity in the writing style - not the story. Too often, the sentences were started with "He" or "She". In fact, I think the majority of the paragraphs started with "He" doing something. This repetitive start to sentences/paragraphs made me feel detached and desensitized from the girls situation. Otherwise, to second Heycarrianne, your writing is quite good. (7/10)
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- Replied by:
lilrrh
(Edit) (Apr 8, 2006)
- Thank you very much for the constructive comments, as I mentioned below, I'm planning a re-work keeping your points in mind. I really appreciate you taking the time to review my work, you've been a great help.
- Replied by:
H Dean
(Edit) (Apr 8, 2006)
- Count on my readership once this tale is revised. I am glad my critisisms were taken as intended and I do hope they helped.
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| Reviewer:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 5, 2006 |
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I thought your writing was quite good, but I got a bit confused in the beginning about the different male characters. Are you going to continue the story? (7/10)
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- Replied by:
lilrrh
(Edit) (Apr 8, 2006)
- Hi Heycarrianne,
First off, thank you for taking the time to write a response, I really appreciate it. I'm going to work on a re-write and will attempt to clear up the character confusion. I'll have to see how it goes on expanding it, this is only the second piece that I've felt comfortable publishing and I'm wary about biting off more than I can chew!
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