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The Room
Author: Bobo
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(Added on Jan 28, 2006)
(This month 81133 readers) (Total 88830 readers) |
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Guy kidnaps a women and turns her into his willing slave |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (4/10) |
Average
Rating:  (3/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (3/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (3/10) |
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| Reviewer:
La Toya
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 31, 2006 |
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I will not replay what the first reviewer stated. I will keep an eye out for this story to see what happens. I may also raise my rating. (3/10)
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| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 29, 2006 |
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OK, Brian Osterby. I'm guessing this is your first story. Let me address the plot for starters. There is a category for stories called "slow". This one needs that descriptor. Nothing happens until Chapter 3 or 4, people get bored. Maybe next time just say, "I built a sound-proof room equipped for bondage in comfort for the slave"? It would have saved your audience a lot of time.
Next to the plot. [Yawn]. Old plot, lots of holes, not much original thought. Enough said. Maybe there will be more in later chapters? I hope so.
Finally, grammar and spelling. Lots of "spell-checker" errors; wrong words or misspelled words. After the period at the end of a sentence, there should be a SPACE, OK? Otherwise your sentences run right into each other. Many other things a good editor could help you fix. Find one.
Lots of opportunity here. I hope you will take the time to fix it, and resubmit. You have some promise as a writer. (3/10)
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