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Harem Community
Author: Harem Owner
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(Added on Jun 9, 2004)
(This month 53692 readers) (Total 67654 readers) |
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This is a start of a story about a 25 year male who starts his own Harem Community. The Harems, currently consisers of his family and also people from outside the family who wants to belong to him. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 3 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (5.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (3/10) |
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 11, 2007 |
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from my view point, this is quite asleeper, hope you plan to add more (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
sadomaster
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 14, 2005 |
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Its promising, looking forward for more.... (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
lahrling
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 15, 2004 |
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I got thrugh this story and am taking my precious time to review it because the content _does_ show potential. But it needs editing. It badly needs editing. It needs editing badly enough that I suspect that English is not the author's first language. So I shall attempt to be kind.
Most offensively:
1) In English, a harem is most properly the women's area of a Muslim household. It is also proper in English to refer to the collective denizens of said household. However, a singluar women is never 'a harem'. A singular denizen of a BDSM household is probably best referred to as an oladesque or hatera. Harem slave also works.
2) There are three forms of 'there'. They mean different things. There exists only to indicate placement. There is the harem. Their indicates plural possession. The brothers share the harem; it is their harem. And then there's they're. They're, a contraction meaning they are, They're very busy in their harem.
3) 's indicates possession of the attached singular noun. Such as, 'in this reviewer's opinion...' That is its only correct usage. 'Harem's' can never be correct written English, as a harem is either a place or a collection of harem slaves and neither can truly own anything.
Hope this helps. (3/10)
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- Replied by:
Harem Community
(Edit) (Jun 16, 2004)
- Can I say, English is my language. But I do know that my grammer and spelling is very poor. As I do have speech and langague disability of which does flow in to my written work a lot.
But that was the first part of a story to see what type of feed back I was going to get to see if it was worth wild carrying on with it. Apart from the grammer problems I have had a number of people saying there is good potentional there. And even one person offering to proof read this and correct the grammer/spelling problems. But I haven't heard back from them, so I am going to be looking for another person to do this for me at the moment, and get this one sorted out so that it's better before releasing more on to the internet..
And of course I will be taking your comments on board and hopefully improve on it as the storys evolves over time.
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