|
|
|
|
|
Todd's Community Service
Author: foxeye1
|
| |
(Added on May 6, 2004)
(This month 149834 readers) (Total 193640 readers) |
| |
The story of a young man offered a period of community service with a family as an alternative to prison. This ultimately leads to his humiliation, degradation and sexual abuse at the hands of both the male and female family members. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 9 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
| 0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
11% |
44% |
44% |
|
Weighed
Average (?):  (9/10) |
Average
Rating:  (9.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (8/10) |
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Turranas
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 12, 2010 |
| |
Two criticisms which cost it two points, one is that there are some typos and mix-ups with names, but they are few and far between so the story is still plenty readable.
The other is that it ends; it could have been developed further.
Other than that, awesome story. (8/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
BigCat
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 23, 2005 |
| |
Very effective D/s male sub story. (10/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
buzby
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 13, 2004 |
| |
I love the story a great read keep em cum-ing (10/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
D. Atrocity
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 18, 2004 |
| |
Very well done. I hope you take the time to continue, because this is a good story. (10/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Alex Bragi
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 21, 2004 |
| |
Ok, story is good. Although, I haven’t read it all yet here are a few things that I noted.
-
Many of your sentences weren’t necessarily incorrect, however some were very long, and a few did read awkwardly to me(your averge reader). That’s not a huge drama at all, but it’s just not the smooth read you should be aiming for either. I won’t make a list of them here, but if you're still unable to see where and what I mean, I’m happy to email you.
-
I spotted a few little hiccups with typos/spellos. Who/whom , blonde/blond, roommate room-mate, and unfortunately my pet perve the dreaded “thought Todd to himself.” Who else would he be thinking to? And, my other pet perve, “Aaaarrrrrrrgggghhhhhhhh," I just don’t think extra letters necessarily add extra impact, but please, that’s just my opinion.
-
On the up side, and there’s plenty to talk about here, you have created a nice slow build up with enough detail to put a clear picture in the reader’s head. I had no trouble following what was happening, and I only wish I could say that about every story I read here. Todd’s dialog and thoughts are pretty much how I would expect a young man of his age to be. The women, well what can I say? I’m such a sick little bunny, I really am -- I love reading about bitches like these ones. Again, their dialog is all consistant with how I would expect, indeed want, them to be. I guess I do have to question if a penis could really take that much punishment, but hey, it’s not called a fantasy for nothing now is it?
-
I can certainly see why this story has rated so well. Well done foxeye1.
(9/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
foxeye1
(Edit) (May 21, 2004)
- Firstly, thank you for taking the time to write such a comprehensive critique of my story. Some of the comments I may consider a little pedantic, but I cannot disagree with any of them. I do not profess to be a writer and certainly, there will be some gramatical errors - perhaps a fault of the English language more than anything else! I am glad however that you were able to keep pace with the story and understand it.
In respect of the penis punishment, reality may be very different from fantasy, but it is a fetish of mine so there is a lot of it in the story!
Thank you once again for your comments, I really do appreciate them.
Foxeye1
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Chum
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 17, 2004 |
| |
It was a little disconcerting to read, on the first page, that the man "almost always wore the same tweed jacket every day," or something very close to that. However, your writing style bounced back from that bit of shakiness. Good use of paragraphs, grammer good, and a very inventive and engrossing story.
This is a very good first submission.
Chum (9/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
foxeye1
(Edit) (May 21, 2004)
- Thank you for your kind comments. I was trying to 'paint a picture' in the opening paragraphs and admit to perhaps padding it a little. I was trying desperately hard not to get straight into the meat of the story right from the begining. As stated, this was my very first attempt and hopefully I shall improve with time.
Thank you once again.
Foxeye1
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
bdsmbill
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 11, 2004 |
| |
Well done so far. I do hope you actually continue it. (9/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
foxeye1
(Edit) (May 12, 2004)
- Thank you for taking the time to review my story and for your kind comments. I would hope to continue the story along similar lines in the near future. Please e-mail me direct if you wish
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
pedclowes
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 9, 2004 |
| |
Excellent story, very well written. Now needs to be continued - what will happen to Todd next? (10/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
foxeye1
(Edit) (May 12, 2004)
- Thank you for reviewing my story and for your comments. I'm glad you liked the story. If you have any specific ideas as to the future, please let me know.
Thanks again
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
BlackRad!sh
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 7, 2004 |
| |
Please continue! (9/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
foxeye1
(Edit) (May 12, 2004)
- Thank you for reviewing my story, I'm glad you liked it. I hope to continue soon, along similar lines, but if you have any specific ideas, please let me know.
Thanks again.
|
|
|
About 