This story was written for Master. i started it shortly after W/we met, and i finally finished it just recently. It is primarily fiction based on snippets of actual events.

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The rest of my life, my real life, begins with a simple statement of His. “Not until you ask for it.” Does He have any idea how powerful those little words are? Yes, He does. And now, so do i. The choice was mine. It was my last moment of control before i presented myself as a gift to Him for the evening. For the rest of my life, more likely, i knew. It was a heady moment. i knew it was inevitable; so did He. My need for this, my need for Him, had been buried inside me for so long. After so many years, i knew finally that would give in to it and give myself to Him. But still, i hesitate. “You need to ask Me for this. You need to want it. Ask for it if you want it…” i looked up at Him and hesitated again. What is wrong with me? Finally, i decided to give i to the inevitability of it all. i knew i would. i said, “Please, Sir. Please use me.”

I saw the slow smile come across His face.  He knew what i needed. To be rendered helpless and vulnerable. Exposed to Him for His pleasure and amusement. And it was what He wanted. His smile lit up His eyes. He walked over to a wooden cabinet across the other side of the room and came back; He placed a collar around my neck. I can’t believe this!  He went to sit in a lounging chair in the corner of the room and simply said, “Remove your clothing.” As i obeyed, i realized my hands were shaking. But there was no turning back. i wanted this too badly. Though i could not bring myself to look at Him, there was no doubt He was watching me. And i couldn’t help but wonder what He was thinking. i didn’t dare ask. My mind was filled with doubt. Not doubt in my desire or need, but doubt in my ability to please Him. There was only one way to find out.

When i was nude i walked over to Him and kneeled at His feet. He stroked my hair and smiled and said, “good girl”. i glowed on the inside. Without letting go of my hair, He stood, leaning over, and pulled, leading me on my hands and knees as if my hair were a leash. He led me over to the bed and pulled up, making me crawl up onto the bed on my knees.  He regarded me quietly for a moment, while i looked up at Him, then He turned and started walking away.  He opened the wooden cabinet again and selected a crop. And i couldn’t help but wonder what else was in that cabinet. He returned to the bed, me still on my knees, and He pushed the tip of the crop against the back of my head. As i leaned over, i then felt the crop pushing up on my belly, and i realized He is wordlessly using the crop to indicate the stance He wanted me to take. After several minutes of feeling His crop against various parts of my body, i was on my hands and knees, head up, arms and legs spread wide, ass protruding into the air as if on display.  i could only imagine what i looked like. i kept my eyes downcast.

He drew the crop along my body, touching me in various places, inspecting me, and i wondered if i would pass muster. He was being very quiet and very gentle. He took His time rubbing my clit with the tip of the crop and my heart started to pound. He came into view, leaning over the bed to kiss me softly, so softly that i wondered if He did really kiss me or if i imagined it. How can a sadist be so gentle? But He was. And He must have known how wet my pussy was, how shallow my breathing had become, almost panting, how my heart was pounding. We had talked of this so often. He knew the effect He was having on me, how taut i was in anticipation. He disappeared behind me, rubbing the crop gently over my back and down to my exposed ass. Back and forth He stroked me, leaving my body each time, and so i am unprepared when it comes down with more force. And i knew. All the doubt was gone. It was if i was at the top of a roller coaster, after the brief pause, and now i was heading downhill at full speed. My breath escaped and my eyes closed and all i could think of was “i want more.” How greedy of me to think about what i wanted to feel instead of what He wanted to do. But without hesitation or doubt, i knew i wanted more.

He struck my ass with the crop several times on each cheek. They were not particularly strong blows; it was just enough to sting a little, and i knew He was leading me gently.  He again drew the crop over my ass, and up my spine, creating delicious little shivers in me. He came into view again, drawing the tip of the crop across my face to my parted lips. It was such a sensual feeling. i impulsively kissed the end of the crop and then felt it lift my chin. My eyes still downcast, i whispered, “Thank you, Sir” and prayed He was not done, prayed He wanted to continue. i looked up hesitantly and met His gaze. It was as if He could look right into my very soul. And i realized that this vulnerability, this exposure of the soul, was far more difficult, and far more compelling, than my physical surrender.

He pulled my hair so that i was along the side the bed, in the same stance. And He wound my hair around His hand and pushed my head down onto the bed and held it there, pulling my hair tightly in His fist. God i loved how this felt, and how it made me feel inside. And again He drew the crop slowly down my back. i could feel my pussy aching, and my clit was throbbing. i closed my eyes and consciously relaxed my taut muscles and arched my back to put my ass even further into the air for Him.  And as i was breathing, waiting, i reminded myself that there is no harm or shame in enjoying this. And for the first time in my life i knew the true meaning of the word “shameless”. That’s what i was. He had rendered me shameless.

He rubbed my ass very gently with His hand. It was so soft, and it felt good, but i prayed that He was not finished with the crop. After a few minutes of gentle rubbing, i felt the crop come down on my ass again, this time with more force. i shuddered as my breath escaped me, and i felt incredibly alive. i realized He knew i only wanted more. And just as i was absorbing the sensation from this first real blow, He struck again on the other cheek. As He continued this lovely torment, i knew that i had come home. The funny thing was, it was no home that i had ever really known before. i felt alive, and aroused, and grateful. And i was burning, both inside and out. Each stinging blow also brought the feeling of freedom, of liberation. And i also felt relief. It was a relief to finally know that what i’ve had inside of me all my life was real.  It was another heady moment. i was almost in tears from the intensity of this relief.

After several minutes, the sensation became too much for me. With the combination of the wonderful pain, and the emotions i was feeling, i needed a minute to catch my breath. i debated about whether to voice this to Him, but it was as if He sensed my overload. He stopped, and again rubbed my ass gently with His hand. It was amazing. As i breathed and focused on my warm flesh, and the soothing motion of His hand, i wanted still more. My desire was palpable. i began to feel that i could not ever possibly get enough. And i hoped that i would be sore tomorrow. Very sore. His hand pulled my head up, and though my face was covered with the hair He had not grabbed, i could sense His head next to mine, and He said one soft word next to my ear: “Well?” Several responses bubbled up inside me, and the first one out of my mouth was heartfelt. “Thank You, Sir.” As i continued to breathe, i relaxed my body a little as i struggled with what to say next. And suddenly before i realized it, i was whispering “Please… Please…” It was a plea from deep down inside me.  i wanted still more. Needed still more.  “Please do it again, Sir…”

“Good girl” He replied, and He gently pushed my head back down. i consciously relaxed inner myself and hiked my ass back into the air for Him.  This time the crop came down very hard and i wondered how far He would take me, how far i could go. The pain was more intense, but i reveled in it. i thrived. my desire was almost overwhelming, and my need was just as great. As He brought the crop down on my ass over and over again, i prayed He was enjoying this. It occurred to me that as wonderful as it was for me, it would be heartbreaking if He were not enjoying it as well.  The last thing i wanted was for Him to be displeased, or worse, bored. At a party once, i had seen a Dom use a slave and He looked bored by it, and i did not care to have that happen to U/us.

Soon, my ass was on fire, and again the emotion welled up from deep within me, and combined with the burning of my flesh. So did the tears; i could not hold them back. i felt i had finally found and fulfilled my purpose. This was where i needed to be. This was where i belonged. Finally i have found myself in finding Him. The blows continued steadily, and not very fast, but fast enough so as to keep me on edge. The combination of the tears and the pain was incredible and after a few minutes i was again overwhelmed. And again i debated briefly about telling Him how overwhelmed i was, wondering how one knows when to use a safe word. And it came to me that if i had to stop and ask myself, then i probably didn’t need to. i knew i had not reached my limit physically, although emotionally i was at the edge. i remained silent, save the whimpers through my tears, feeling grateful for His attention, His patience, wondering how i could even  consider asking Him to stop such a beautiful thing.

After several more blows, i began to lose coherence. It was as if there was nothing about me except my burning ass and my pounding heart. And that’s when He stopped. i continued breathing, continued burning, continued crying softly as He dropped the crop on the bed and began to rub my flesh lightly and again, very gently. And i had the absurd thought that i should stifle the crying lest He see. i quickly realized that i had no wish to stifle anything, no wish to keep anything from Him. As He rubbed my ass, He lifted my head and let go of my hair and brushed it out of my face. i kept my eyes lowered, and He allowed me to hide from Him like this a moment longer before putting His hand on my face, feeling the tears. He guided my head so that i could see Him, and He commanded, “Tell Me.” i knew what He wanted to know. We had talked of this moment. Talked about my fears, my doubts about who i was inside, wondering if this was right for me. And now there was absolutely no doubt. And i also knew that even if i didn’t tell Him, even if He hadn’t asked me, He knew the answer already just by looking at me.  i whispered, “I loved it, Sir. Thank You.” 

He smiled and kissed me deeply, and went back to the cabinet. i put my head down, drying the rest of my tears on the bedspread. i didn’t even want to know what He would use next. It didn’t matter. i knew that whatever it was, it was what i wanted because He wanted it. i did not hear a sound, but soon felt a long stroke of feathery leathery fronds down my back.  It was quite sensual. He teased me for a moment, brushing the flogger lightly over my back, legs, and feet. i hoped He would not spend time tickling me. Selfishly, i wanted more delicious pain, not tickles. He flapped the flogger on my ass a few times, teasing me further and deluding me into a smile at His playfulness before it came down with a solid whack. Again He took my breath away, and the more He hit me with it, the more i wanted more. i was so very hungry for it. Very gradually, His blows became more intense, but they were slow and deliberate, as though He were taking His time. As He continued covering my ass with the heat of the flogger, i wondered if my ass was red, hoped my ass was red. The warm feeling was incredible and the burning went right through me.

He worked His way up my back, then back down to my ass and upper thighs, and even my feet, His strokes still strong and deliberate. i found myself getting lost in the sensation, whimpering again, and when He stopped and i let out a groan. My clit was flickering in the fire He had created and i started whimpering with each breath. As i listened to my own sounds and felt my own burning, i felt Him nudge the tip of the handle along my slit. My pussy was practically dripping at this point and He glided the phallic end up and down, from my anus to clit, back and forth. He was driving me crazy.  Each time He went over me, He pushed the handle into me gently, going a little further each time, and again i whispered, “Please…”

His reply startled me from my dreamy state: “I cant’ hear you, slut.” He continued stroking me with the end of the flogger and i whimpered again and said “Please…”

“Please what, slut?”

What did i want? What was i asking for? i wanted so many things and i didn’t seem capable of articulating anything. i wanted more lovely flogging. More beautiful burning. And i wanted Him to shove that flogger handle deep into my cunt. And i wanted to cum. How could i ask for all that? It was beyond me. i felt mindless and weak. and all i could manage to say was, “Please, more...”

“Please more what, slut?”

I didn’t know what to say. i hesitated, dazed, and feebly i replied, “Please, more, Sir…?” He chuckled at this and simply continued slowly stroking my slit, delving into me a little each time, still driving me crazy. He continued to deepen His strokes, making them shorter, focusing on the center of me, and my hungry pussy was just aching to be filled. i again whispered “Please…” By now the worst of the sting had subsided, but between the warm glow from my ass, my aching pussy and my pulsing clit, i was still on fire, and trembling. And i knew He had barely just begun. He stopped stroking and pushed the handle into me gently and achingly slowly, not going very deep. i felt such lust, such desire, and such need that i could barely stand it.

“What do you want, slut?”

“Please… Please fuck me…”, i replied shakily.

“I didn’t hear you. What did you say, slut?”

A little louder, i said, “Please fuck me….”

“Louder, slut, what did you say?”

I whimpered again, realizing His game. i said again, more clearly, “Please, fuck me, Sir.”

He continued His lazy torment of me, moving the handle in and out of my pussy very slowly. He gradually went deeper, but not deep enough, and i was craving more. i had never felt like this before - so tightly wound and in such need. And without ever going in to the hilt, He withdrew the handle and pulled my head up. As He brushed my hair away from my face, i felt Him sitting on the bed in front of me and soon found myself face to face with the wet handle of the flogger. He drew its moisture across my lips and commanded, “Open your mouth.” i obeyed, sucking it in, cleaning it off with my tongue, tasting myself. i had never done this before, and i was surprised at how easily i accepted it. and i wondered again how far He would take me. When the handle was clean, He smiled, leaned over, and kissed me. He stood again, still holding my face in His hand, holding my eyes with His as He brought the flogger down on my ass again.

I closed my eyes and immediately He said, “Open your eyes.” i looked at Him and He brought the flogger down again. And again, this exposure of the soul was as difficult as it was compelling. It made me uncomfortable to have Him see into me while making me burn, but i would not, could not refuse Him. And once again He slowly and deliberately made my entire ass burn, only this time i was not granted the luxury of hiding myself during His torture. i was exposed, vulnerable, and helpless, both physically and emotionally. And i realize this is what i’ve always needed. He is what i’ve always needed. Unconsciously, my eyes drift lower and i look aside, lost in thought. i get distracted by the thought that He is the answer to all of the questions I’ve had about myself over the years. i don’t even notice that the flogging stops. He crouches down in front of me and His face comes into view. i am startled back to reality and feel awful that i broke away from Him. i look up at Him in awe, realizing that the road of my life has led me to Him. Its almost as if He knows what i’m thinking. How could he possibly know?

He kisses me again, more firmly this time. i never tire of His kisses. They are warm and wet and sensual and passionate; i cannot get enough. Then, suddenly, He stands up and pushes my head down on the bed.  i don’t dare move, but i am wondering what He is doing now. i can hear him over by the blessed cabinet and i wonder what He has selected to use now. It doesn’t take me long to find out. Whatever it is, it delivers a much sharper pain than the flogger, and i am stunned and excited and i don’t even bother to try to figure out what he is using. The stinging pain vibrates through my body and burns my ass. He delivers steady blows again, but these are so much more painful than the last ones, and i wonder how is it that i can feel even more alive than i did before. The crying has subsided, and i give in to the deliciousness of this new pain. He moves the blows around a little, focusing on each cheek alternately, occasionally stinging my upper legs. The more he whips me, i can’t help it - the more i find myself wondering, through the pain, what is he using? It’s too sharp and focused to be a flogger, but too thick to be a singletail whip. i decide it must be a quirt, and then dismiss the topic and give in to the pain all over again. The fire on my ass is delicious, but what comes next is enough to take my breath away; he abandons the slow deliberate strokes, abandons the moving around on my ass and delivers 6 sudden and sharp blows on one side, in the same spot, with no break between them. i cry out in surprise and pain anew; these blows are even harder than before. Just when He is finished with them, he delivers another 6 to the other side, and i am reeling again. How can something so painful feel so good? At this point i am whimpering. It is as if i am in a state of catharsis, the sins of my life being whipped away from me and all that is left is this wonderful pain. After these quick lashes, can feel His fingertips caressing my red hot skin, lightly and gently. The difference between the whipping and this soft touch is enough to send shivers up my back.

His fingers leave my ass and travel down to my soaked pussy. God how i want Him to fuck me! i then feel Him pushing my hair aside and Hs fingers are wiping the moisture from my pussy all over my face. i can feel it drying on me. He leans over and kisses me again. His kisses are so deep and passionate. He then leaves my field of vision and goes back to the cabinet and i hope He is not finished with me; selfishly i hope He will continue to use me. i feel so hungry for more. Is that a bad thing, being hungry for more? i can’ help how i feel. In front of my eyes i see the end of a single-tail whip, dangling in front of me. He crouches down in front of me and says, “You are ready for this, slave.” i find myself squirming in anticipation. A real whip! i have never had a night such as this. And i wonder how i could have denied myself all these years.

“Lay down and spread yourself out.” He commands. i comply, hoping that He will not be displeased by my performance during this activity. i wonder how i will do with a real whip. i soon feel his hands on my feet at the head of the bed, tying nylon braided rope around my ankle and tying it to the bed post.  He does the other ankle, then the two wrists. My head is close to the edge of the bed and i can rest my head there.  The ache in my pussy has spread throughout my body and i can barely stand it. Finally, what i have waited for all my life, will happen at the hands of this Man. Unconsciously i begin squirming on the bed, pulling a little at the ropes. They are tied fairly tightly and i can’t really move my limbs at all. i can’t believe what i am feeling. My red ass is face up, still hot, and now instead of the burning of the skin on my ass, i feel a burning need in my entire body. He leans over and says to me, stroking my hair away from my face. “Remember your safe-words. We’ll take it slowly. “ i remember my safe-words and i hope i can take it well and not use them; i do not want to disappoint this Master.

He rubs my ass slowly and softly, using circular motions. Soon, He moves his hand upwards and stokes my hair which spills down my back and over my face. i can hear His voice in my ear, “Here W/we go…” Then, silence and wild anticipation, waiting for my first taste of a single-tail whip. i can hear the whip slice through the air and too suddenly i feel the sting on my ass.  What a deliciously painful experience! i feel his fingertips on my ass, gently stoking the place where the whip hit. His fingers leave me and the anticipation grows again. As i feel the sting of the whip again, i wonder if i am insane. Fleetingly, i think of my mother, my sister, my grandmother, my ex husband, all the people in my life who have had influence over me during my life. And i think to myself, they are the ones who are insane. This is what I’ve needed all my life. None of them could give me what I needed. To be used in this way by a Man like this. To be rendered helpless, to experience such exquisite pain; it is a gift and i am grateful to Him. He strokes my ass again with His fingertips, and i can’t help but think how skilled He is at this. i try not to think of the myriad of women He has used in the past, and what tomorrow will bring for U/us. i put these things out of my mind and give in to the moment. i can worry about the past, and the future, tomorrow. Now, there is only He and His whip. His fingers are gone and i feel the whip lick my ass again. The burning is such a wonderful feeling. This time, he forgoes stroking my ass with his fingers and the whip comes down again. i can feel my emotions well up in my chest and i fight back the tears. Are they tears of pain? Of joy? Or of just simply raw emotion? i don’t know and i don’t care. i only know i want more. The whip comes down again and i am grateful for it. This pain is purging me of years of unhappiness.

The whip strikes several more times, and then i feel his fingers on my ass again, lightly stroking the now emerging welts. “Good girl” He whispers. It seems, dare i think, that He is pleased with me? He unties one hand, then the other, and i push myself up on my elbows to look at Him, shaking the hair away from my face. My eyes meet His and He looks happy! i can feel fresh tears prick the backs of my eyes as He leans over to kiss me.  Such a deep kiss it is. i don’t think He knows how to kiss any other way. He breaks the kiss and stands back to look at me. Slowly, His eyes on mine, he removes his clothing. When nude, He approaches me again, not leaning over this time. His cock is dangling right in front of my face and i realize suddenly how hungry i am for Him. He comes even closer, and teases me with His cock, rubbing it against my face. He has not permitted me to open my mouth, nor has He commanded me to do so, and i wonder what should i do?

He does not make me wait very long. i hear the lust in His voice as He commands, “Open your mouth, slave.”  Thank God! i gladly comply and lean forward as far as i can, given that my legs are still tied to the bedposts at the head of the bed. He moves closer to me and i swallow as much of Him as i can. The feeling of His cock filling my mouth is so erotic, i can hardly stand it. My clit is throbbing, my pussy ever wet as i suck on him, hoping he will cum in my mouth.  He pulls His cock out and i find myself straining to keep the tip of it in my mouth. He plunges in, filling me, then withdraws again. God he tastes so good! i find myself wishing i were untied so that i could do this justice. As if reading my thoughts, He pulls out completely and moves around to the head of the bed and unties my legs. i get up on my hands and knees and wait to see what He will do next. This night can’t possibly get any better. But it does.

He approaches the bed and pushes me over onto my back. He is hovering over me, and says, “Tell me.” i look up at Him, uncertain. He says again, “Tell me.”  After a few more seconds, he clarifies. “Tell me how you feel.” i look up at him again and feebly shake my head. “i can’t.” What’s wrong with me? i can’t? What kind of an answer is that? But i knew it was the only answer i could give. Tears begin again. Fear prevented me from saying anything further. Fear of everything i have felt this evening. Fear of what i feel for Him now. i have just had the most important experience of my life and i couldn’t say a word. Not a word.

He positions Himself between my legs and lays on top of me, propped up on His arms, and i think Oh God finally i will know what real love feels like.  His eyes never leave mine as He guides Himself into me. As He moves in me, the tears come more freely and i wrap my arms around Him as if i were holding on for dear life. He bends his arms and leans on His elbows, and He kisses me, kisses the tears on my face, and then looks at me again. He is still moving in me and He commands again more quietly, “Tell me.” Fear still grips me and i shake my head. More tears fall and i can feel my throat closing up. God why do i have to ruin a perfect moment with stupid fear?

He moves in me again, and regards me silently. He seems to consider me for a moment, and then it is as if He has come to a decision. In a split second of panic, i wonder what conclusion He has come to. He moves in me again, with such sweet passion, and says, ‘I love you.’

I can’t believe what i am hearing. More tears fall and i shake my head again. This is not happening to me. How could it? How could this be me with this Man? Things like this don’t happen to people like me.  i almost don’t believe He said it. And i realize this was my fear – i love him and it scared me to death. How could someone fall in love and be the flavor of the month? But it was true. But if it were true, why would He confess love to the flavor of the month? And i suddenly heard myself say, “i love you, too.”

There. i said it. The vulnerability i felt moments ago, being tied up and whipped, was nothing compared to what i was feeling now. He smiles at me, and i notice again how His smile lights up His eyes.

We made love for an hour, Him taking time to spank and slap and bite me along the way, and it was a delicious experience. He let me suck His cock again, but in the end, i got to sleep with a pussy full of cum and a smile on my face with His arm wrapped around me. Tomorrow i’ll deal with reality and the flavor of the month problem. Tonight, there is only Him.