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Beverly\'s Story
Author: Master Jay
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(Added on Mar 1, 2009)
(This month 56151 readers) (Total 75724 readers) |
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A submissive woman meets a Dom whom she met on-line. She will find out just how submissive she truly is. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
devot_und_geil
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 8, 2009 |
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Very nice story, interesting setup. Can't judge the language though since I am not a native speaker. But I enjoyed reading it very much. I hope it will be continued :-). (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 1, 2009 |
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The author could improve on his writing. Waiting a bit before posting a story, letting it rest and then re-reading it might help.
I liked the set-up, but due to the awkward feel, I couldn't really get into the story.
Awkward in a sense of the sentence structure not being quite what it should. Also, excerpts like "However, she applied an excessive amount of purple eye shadow as she had seen the women in porn videos do" are a tad ludicrous, as porn actresses get their make-up applied before the shoot, not during.
Or the us of the word 'box' far too many times as is deemed healthy.
Having gone through Master Jay's former submissions, I must say the man is making progress.
JJ (7/10)
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