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Biker Bitch
Author: needledick
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(Added on Apr 27, 2006)
(This month 21521 readers) (Total 54724 readers) |
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This story is my first attempt in writing a story for this site |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 6 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (5.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (7/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (3/10) |
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| Reviewer:
T38tara
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 4, 2006 |
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I like the storie but is looks so familiar. I looked arround because i am sure i've seen this storie before.
And i found a similair storie.
http://www.fictionmania.com/stories/readtextstory.html?command=search&db=/data/stories.db&max=1&eqstoryIDdatarq=3293593128882999574
It looks almost the same but i hope you will go an other direction then this storie. (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
sunburststrat
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 3, 2006 |
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Reasonable start, and an interesting enough theme. I will definitely follow this one to see how it develops. One reaction I had that you might consider - lots of "M" names: Melinda, Miranda Maria, Mike, the 1st two being too similar for me. What's up with that?
(6/10)
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| Reviewer:
Blackbird
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 2, 2006 |
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This shows a lot of promise if you continue to develop it. The other critiques of your writing unwithstanding, you have a different kind of style and voice which is refreshingly pleasant. Write more, please! (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
pert
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 29, 2006 |
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Good start, with an interesting premise. I'd like to read some more of this. Thanks! (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
Wistan
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 29, 2006 |
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Not bad for a first go. On the positive side, the actual story is quite an interesting one. I always like stories about women enslaving unwilling men, and in my own efforts I often struggle to think of a realistic way to make it happen. Using bikers means that we expect your female character to be tough and aggressive to begin with, and the race is a good way to get her in a dominant position quickly. I also like that the guy lost the race because he was pulled over, so there's an element of unfairness to that which makes it even better.
On the down side, this reads more like an outline idea for a story than an actual story. You don't tell us a lot about the characters - what do they say to one another, how do they feel? It would be far better if you took the time to flesh things out, show us the conversation they have when she challenges him to a race, how does he feel about it, that kind of thing. This story needs to be at least three or four times longer than it is. (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
abitbent
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 27, 2006 |
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It's a good first try needledick but my first impression was you were too rushed when writing it. Perhaps you could spend more time being descriptive of characters and surroundings. You seem to have an interesting imagination so let it show in your writing by being more descriptive. (3/10)
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- Replied by:
slaveneedledick
(Edit) (Apr 27, 2006)
- Thank you for the review and I will try to improve the story on the next chapter or even rewrite what I have. Again thank you for your comments.
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