Chapter Two:
Joshua continued to be preoccupied by the issues raised in the Nietzsche
lecture. They festered within his mind. He continued to attend all classes and
do all his required work. But almost all his free time was spent mulling over
the question of whether right and wrong existed.
If there were no built in rules, life would be crazy. On the other hand,
newspapers and TV proved every day that there were people who didn't believe in
rules. People who did what they wanted, to whom they wanted, as long as they
could get away with it - and many times, even if they couldn't get away with it.
The black ghetto itself proved Nietzsche's belief that there were no rules.
It was a self-contained society in which the strong ruled, and acted based only
on what they desired. They took what they wanted to take.
Nietzsche's vision wasn't just some philosophical idea. It was Joshua's
actual world The thugs who ran his world accurately fit the description of
Nietzsche's Superman, as Ms. Jansen had described it. This realization
initially depressed him. He was following the rules, when others in his world
weren't. Joshua realized that the ghetto gangs which ruled his world did so
through casual murder. He knew that just wasn't him. His mind continued to
gnaw at these thoughts, like a hungry dog with a bone. His preoccupation with
this entire train of thoughts was constantly interspersed with thoughts and
images of Ms. Jansen.
From the first day of class, Joshua had had an intense crush on her. Now
two obsessively ran through his mind. One, there are no rules. Two, he would
love to fuck the beautiful Ms. Jansen. One, two, one, two, one, two...
He finally reached a surprising conclusion: he wouldn't hesitate to take
her, against her will, if he could. There was the rub, though; as much as he
wanted to fuck her, he didn't want to end up in prison for the privilege. But
what if there were ways to have her that would eliminate or reduce the chance of
legal retribution? He could wear a ski mask, for example, so she wouldn't know
him. No, there is still DNA evidence. Well, what about a ski mask and a
condom? Joshua didn't know how sophisticated DNA technology was, but there were
stories every day about the latest technical wonders. One single body hair, and
it would be all over.
How to be able to fuck Ms. Jansen had now become a problem to solve, and he
continued to work at it. Finally, a possibility occurred to him. He tossed it
and turned it. He began to build up resolve to try it, and then backed away,
afraid he wouldn't be able to pull it off. But he continued to see Ms Jansen
three days a week, and her pull on him became increasingly irresistible. And
the more intense his desire for her became, the more he thought that he could
pull it off. And the more he wanted her, the more he thought, what the hell, it
was worth the risk.
Joshua walked into the Office of Records one brilliant and sunny morning,
and filed the paperwork to drop her class. He never returned to it.
